Calm the Chaos Part 1

Calm the Chaos                  

Summer can be a more relaxed home environment without all the “business” of getting ready for school and extra curricular activities. As a result, young children are more prone to temper tantrums. In Dr. Dan Siegel’s new book, No-Drama Discipline, he explains the “whole-brain” way to handle the chaos in your child’s developing years. This newsletter is one of two newsletters for June, so don’t forget to check back with us!

The whole-brain consists of a right and left side as well as an upstairs and a downstairs. As a parent, in order to apply this whole-brain strategy during tantrums, you first have to fully understand the right side and the left side of your child’s brain. The left side contains problem solving skills, lists, reasoning, and logistics, taking years to develop fully. When children repeatedly ask “Why?” it is a because of the left brain. Children are born with full access to the right brain, which is intuitive and emotion-oriented. To sum it up, the left brain focuses on details, whereas the right brain cares about the big picture.

Listed below are the first two steps for whole-brain development, right and left brain integration. The next blog will contain the last three steps of whole-brain development, integration of the upstairs and downstairs brain.

1. Connect and Redirect: During a child’s moment of frustration, no matter how nonsensical their emotions seem to us, for them they are real and important. Acknowledging this and treating the their emotions as vital will allow you to connect right brain to right brain with your child in times of distress. A soft tone of voice accompanied by a sympathetic facial expression is a perfect example of right brain to right brain connection. It is appropriate to drop whatever you are doing, kneel to your child’s level, gently touch their back and listen to what they have to say. This completes the connection stage. Now you are ready to redirect your child towards problem solving, which appeals to their left brain.

2. Name it to Tame it: In the midst of a temper tantrum, a child’s right brain is overcoming the left brain. Getting your child to  tell the story of what is upsetting her activates her left brain and subsides the overstimulation of the right brain. From children three to six years old it may be necessary for the parent to take the lead in this process, meaning you would say something along the lines of “I know that it upset you when your friends were playing with out you. I know that because I saw you hit Sarah when she took your toy. Is that what happened?” From here, your child may continue telling the story from her point of view.

3. Top Two Tips:Removal from a particular situation may be necessary in order to apply the connect and redirect strategy. Or, you may decide that waiting for your child’s emotional flooding to calm before beginning is beneficial as well. While trying to apply the “name it to tame it” strategy if your child is shy or does not particularly enjoy verbally expressing her emotions quite yet, drawing pictures or creating a booklet of the story is just as beneficial of an alternative.

Also keep your eye out for part two of Calm the Chaos