2025: The Year I Redefined Emotional Triggers
When I look back on my life, I know 2025 will be a milestone year—not only because I rang in my 40s, but also because a run‑of‑the‑mill neighborhood conflict helped spark a fundamental reorganization in my relationship with emotional triggers.
For most of my life, I have viewed triggers in a mostly negative light—something to be mitigated or even avoided if at all possible and only then something to be coped with if necessary. And as an anxiously wired super-feeler, I’ve had plenty of opportunity to confront many emotional landmines.
Today, I see moments of reactivity as undoubtedly uncomfortable—and highly useful—opportunities for growth, and I recognize, in fact, that growth actually needs at least a little bit of discomfort to drive the change. While I may not have gotten far enough along to have gratitude for my triggers just yet, I now have a lot of appreciation for them after the struggle when the dust has settled.
(Want learn a bit more about super-feelers? https://mentalhealthfoundations.ca/super-feeler)
Enter the Trash Cans (Yes, Really)
Earlier this year, several households on my block erupted into a standoff over which side of the street our trash cans should occupy on collection day. It sounds trivial, and yet the emotions flew fast and furious as neighbors asserted their positions and took sides (both literally and figuratively). I found myself asking, “Why am I burning so much energy on where a trash can sits?” On the face of it, it felt ludicrous to be so worked up over a place where one puts waste, and I felt embarrassed and confused by the strength of my emotional reactivity over…a trash can.
Then it clicked: Of course a trash can! What better symbol for the emotional junk we need to toss?
Why Small Triggers Pack a Punch
As the saying goes, “All roads lead to Rome,” and no matter how big or small, any trigger can offer an opportunity for deeper self-knowledge and, ultimately, improved emotion regulation. Each is a chance to ask, “What no longer serves me, and what do I want to cultivate in its place?”
Meet PESE: Your Free Tool for Emotional Self-Exploration
One resource played a pivotal role in transforming my trash-can turmoil into true insight and growth: the Process of Emotional Self‑Exploration (PESE), developed by Dr. Adèle LaFrance, a co-creator of Emotion‑Focused Family Therapy (EFFT). Practiced regularly, PESE can:
- Lower reactivity to specific & generalized stressors
- Increase your capacity for self-soothing
- Reshape your “inner architecture” for lasting resilience
No trigger is too small, and in fact, engaging with the PESE often with smaller activations can help build pathways of healing to help you with the inevitable bigger triggers, too. By welcoming each emotional flare-up with curiosity—and by using tools like the PESE—we can turn everyday annoyances into stepping-stones toward greater emotion regulation and resilience.
You can check out the PESE for yourself on Dr. LaFrance’s site at https://dradelelafrance.com/pese and learn more about Emotion Focused Family Therapy at https://mentalhealthfoundations.ca.
2025: The Year I Redefined Emotional Triggers
When I look back on my life, I know 2025 will be a milestone year—not only because I rang in my 40s, but also because a run‑of‑the‑mill neighborhood conflict helped spark a fundamental reorganization in my relationship with emotional triggers.
For most of my life, I have viewed triggers in a mostly negative light—something to be mitigated or even avoided if at all possible and only then something to be coped with if necessary. And as an anxiously wired super-feeler, I’ve had plenty of opportunity to confront many emotional landmines.
Today, I see moments of reactivity as undoubtedly uncomfortable—and highly useful—opportunities for growth, and I recognize, in fact, that growth actually needs at least a little bit of discomfort to drive the change. While I may not have gotten far enough along to have gratitude for my triggers just yet, I now have a lot of appreciation for them after the struggle when the dust has settled.
(Want learn a bit more about super-feelers? https://mentalhealthfoundations.ca/super-feeler)
Enter the Trash Cans (Yes, Really)
Earlier this year, several households on my block erupted into a standoff over which side of the street our trash cans should occupy on collection day. It sounds trivial, and yet the emotions flew fast and furious as neighbors asserted their positions and took sides (both literally and figuratively). I found myself asking, “Why am I burning so much energy on where a trash can sits?” On the face of it, it felt ludicrous to be so worked up over a place where one puts waste, and I felt embarrassed and confused by the strength of my emotional reactivity over…a trash can.
Then it clicked: Of course a trash can! What better symbol for the emotional junk we need to toss?
Why Small Triggers Pack a Punch
As the saying goes, “All roads lead to Rome,” and no matter how big or small, any trigger can offer an opportunity for deeper self-knowledge and, ultimately, improved emotion regulation. Each is a chance to ask, “What no longer serves me, and what do I want to cultivate in its place?”
Meet PESE: Your Free Tool for Emotional Self-Exploration
One resource played a pivotal role in transforming my trash-can turmoil into true insight and growth: the Process of Emotional Self‑Exploration (PESE), developed by Dr. Adèle LaFrance, a co-creator of Emotion‑Focused Family Therapy (EFFT). Practiced regularly, PESE can:
- Lower reactivity to specific & generalized stressors
- Increase your capacity for self-soothing
- Reshape your “inner architecture” for lasting resilience
No trigger is too small, and in fact, engaging with the PESE often with smaller activations can help build pathways of healing to help you with the inevitable bigger triggers, too. By welcoming each emotional flare-up with curiosity—and by using tools like the PESE—we can turn everyday annoyances into stepping-stones toward greater emotion regulation and resilience.
You can check out the PESE for yourself on Dr. LaFrance’s site at https://dradelelafrance.com/pese and learn more about Emotion Focused Family Therapy at https://mentalhealthfoundations.ca.
