Calm the Chaos Part 2 
In order to achieve the “whole-brain” Dr. Siegle talks about in his new book, No-Drama Discipline, right brain left brain integration must be followed by upstairs-downstairs brain integration. To some of you, myself included, knowledge of these two parts of the brain may be new to you. Lets further discuss what each compartment is individually responsible for.
Strong emotions, basic functions, reactions and impulses all derive from the downstairs brain; which is well developed at birth. The upstairs brain, responsible for decision-making, planning, control, morality and more; isn’t fully developed until the mid-twenties. As a parent, your goal should be to provide the resources for a staircase to be built between the upper and lower levels of the brain. Successful integration results in a child’s ability to possess a balanced decision making process, where emotions don’t override logic and vice versa.
There are three strategies that integrate the upstairs and downstairs brains. But first, we should be familiar with the type of tantrum that results from each compartment.
An Upstairs tantrum is when your child throws a fit. We’ve all either been there ourselves or witnessed it happen. How to handle: don’t give in and don’t negotiate.These type of tantrums call for firm boundaries followed by a clear discussion of why your child’s behavior was unacceptable. By not giving in to upstairs tantrums, they will happen less frequently.
A Downstairs tantrum is when the child is no longer able to access the upper level of the brain. Stress hormones have taken him over and disintegration begins. How to handle: nurture and comfort. Since the child is unable to think beyond the stress they are experiencing at the moment, all that is needing from you as a parent is your loving presence.
As promised, here are the three strategies for integrating the upstairs and downstairs brains, summing up the whole-brain.
- Engage, don’t enrage. Instead of getting mad at your child during high-stress situations, it is much more beneficial to propose a question such as “What do you think a more polite way of saying that is?” rather than stating “I don’t like the way you are talking.” During these times, your child’s downstairs brain is reacting (because the lower region contains strong emotions), so asking your child a question initiates the activity of their upper region by giving them something logical to think about.
- Use it or Lose it. The more the upstairs compartment is exercised, the stronger and more integrated it becomes. Play games with your child, such as “what would you do?”, which presents hypothetical problems that allow them the opportunity to access their higher thinking. “What would you do if you were at the park and you found a toy you really wanted but you new it wasn’t yours?” listen to your child’s response and see if there is room for redirection.
- Move it or Lose it. Sometimes, changing a child’s mood is as simple as getting them moving. Upstairs-downstairs balance can sometimes be easily achieved just by playing an active game.